After announcing our pregnancy, I have been flooded with questions about our journey with IVF. I have decided to blog about it in three parts. This is Part 3. Please check out Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.
Finally, it was go
time! In March 2018 we met with our doctor again to figure out medicine and get
a game plan going for our Frozen Embryo Transfer. Of course, it had to be
planned around my body, but we wanted to try and get the ball rolling as soon
as we could that summer so I wouldn’t be having to do shots when school started
back in August. At the beginning of June, I started estrogen pills that would
increase over the next few weeks. Two weeks in, I had a lining check and they
found fluid in my uterus which could be a reason to call off the whole thing.
We went ahead and started the progesterone shots and prayed that the fluid
would go away. The progesterone shots were tough. They were huge, thick, and
had to go in the top part of my booty, meaning that I couldn’t easily give them
to myself. Tyler quickly became a shot-giving pro! I got these shots every
morning so that I would move that muscle all day which would help with the
soreness and knots. Thank goodness that I was out for summer break because I
was exhausted and super sore!
A week later, we went
back for another lining check. I was a nervous wreck, but thankfully, the fluid
had cleared up and we were good to go! The frozen embryo transfer was planned
for the next day. It was finally happening! We had decided to transfer only one
embryo, and to just go in the numerical order that had been assigned to each
one. So embryo #1 was taken out of the freezer and thawed. We had to be at the
clinic at a very specific time, and I had to drink a very specific amount of
water at a specific time. Did you know that a full bladder gives you the best
picture of the uterus? Just a little fun fact for you!
I wasn't really wearing bunny ears, just the Snapchat filter!
It’s hard to put this
day (June 22) into words. It was a day filled with excitement and hope, but I
was also scared to death. So many things had to go perfectly, and so many of
these things were totally out of my control. Tyler and I put on our gear and
waited for the doctor. I wrote a special prayer for this day and we just prayed
it over and over and over.
It was an exciting time. I captioned this picture in
my memory book, “The happiest parents-to-be that there ever was.” And it’s so
true!
The FET process was so
incredible! To put it simply, the embryologist put our embryo in a catheter
tube, and the doctor transferred it into the pre-determined perfect spot in my
uterus. We were able to watch our baby be placed into my uterus on the screen.
We even have a video of the procedure! It was so cool to see this tiny
clump of cells (about 1/12 the size of a 12-point period) that would hopefully
attach to my uterus and grow into our child. How amazing is that?
Here is the first picture of our baby!
After the FET, I was
sent home for almost two grueling weeks until I could do blood work to find out
if I was pregnant. I would continue to take estrogen pills three times a day
and progesterone shots every morning. In the infertility world, you are
considered PUPO: Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. We tried to stay as positive
as possible and I tried to rest as much as I could.
On July 1, the day
before my next doctor’s appointment, I couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.
I gave in and took a home pregnancy test. I just wanted the “normal” thrill of
peeing on a stick from the grocery store, something everyone else gets to do. Plus,
I wanted to prepare myself emotionally for the news I might receive the next
day at my doctor’s appointment. Even though we had been warned that taking
a home pregnancy test too early could result in a false positive, we were
overjoyed to see “Yes +” in the results window of the test!
The next day, July 2, was
the big day to find out the official results. I had never been so excited to
have blood work done! Bless everybody who kept me company and talked to me
while waiting for the phone to ring that day. Finally, the doctor’s
office called that afternoon with my first Beta number. At 9dp5dt (9 days post
5 day transfer) my Beta #1 was 435. This number indicates pregnancy and should
double about every 48 hours. We went back again on July 5 and Beta #2 was 1,553!
Praise the Lord! We were officially pregnant! After two great Beta numbers, our
first ultrasound was scheduled. In the meantime, I was supposed to continue to
take it easy, continue my daily shot and pills, and enjoy finally being
pregnant. I felt like I could finally breathe! It was the BEST feeling, but it
didn’t last long.
On July 12, I woke up
around 4:30 in the morning and could feel that I was soaking wet. I immediately
went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding bright red blood. I
screamed to wake Tyler up and called the doctor’s office sobbing. They called
me back right away, but there wasn’t anything that anyone could do. I was to go
in for blood work as soon as the office opened. I was absolutely overcome
with grief and feared the worse. I did the only thing I knew to do, I called my
mom and lost it on the phone with her. I sat in the bathroom bleeding,
weeping, and begging God to let our baby be okay. I cried in bed and wrote in
my prayer journal until the doctor’s office opened. Once home after blood work, I basically forced
Tyler out the door to go to work. The only thing worse than being out of my
mind, sad and sick with worry was watching my husband feel the same way. I
couldn’t stand it. Friends came over to stay with me and we anxiously waited
for the phone to ring. When the doctor’s office finally called that afternoon,
we had a good Beta number (9,194), but we wouldn’t have any definitive answers
until they retested on Monday, 4 days later. It was the longest weekend of my
life. Finally, Monday came around and I went first thing that morning for more
blood work. I waited all day for the phone to ring and eventually ended up
calling myself. Of course the LabCorp
telephones were down and they hadn’t gotten any results back yet. They said
this had never happened before. I literally lost it with the poor nurse on the
phone. I was desperate to know if my sweet baby was okay, and I had already
waited in absolutely misery for days. After what felt like forever, they
finally called me back and said that I had a Beta # of 18,652. That was a great
sign! They scheduled us for an ultrasound on Wednesday, two days later, so we
could see what was going on and see if there was a heartbeat.
Our little miracle!
Finally, on July 18,
we got to see our sweet angel and hear the most precious sound…a tiny baby
heartbeat. It was such a happy moment. From there, we were passed off to my
normal OBGYN, but would continue progesterone shots and estrogen pills until
about week 12 of pregnancy. After that, I would be just a normal pregnant person! By
September, we were finished with shots and pills and ready to announce our pregnancy to
the world. It was so fun to let everyone know that we were going to have a baby
girl!
This was an exciting day! It's not a lot of fun to start everyday with a big, thick shot in the booty!
I have been very lucky
to have a relatively easy and normal pregnancy.
It’s hard to believe that now
we are almost 38 weeks pregnant with our sweet girl and counting down the days
until she finally joins our family. It has been such a special time.
Throughout this whole experience,
I have done a lot of deep spiritual digging and have really thought about what
I believe. I’ve encountered so many opinions about IVF with PGD/PGS and some of
them have been extremely hurtful. I’ve talked with a lot of people
including our church pastor, a Christian counselor, trusted friends and family
to process and work through my feelings on it all.
I think we throw out a
lot of “Christian one-liners” in an attempt to make people feel better or to
explain suffering in the world, but these can be very hurtful and push us
further away from God. It was very hurtful for me when people would tell me
that this (ALD) was God’s plan for my life. I don’t for a second believe that
it was God’s plan to hurt and devastate my family with this disease. He didn’t
choose for me to spend my childhood watching my dad lose his mind and mobility.
He didn’t choose for me to lose my dad at such a young age. He didn’t choose
for me to continue passing on a fatal disease to my children. I also don’t
believe that He chooses children to die of cancer, or people to be raped and
murdered, or families to suffer in poverty. God doesn’t want terrible things to
happen to any of His beloved children. What kind of God would He be if he
deliberately planned these horrible things? Unfortunately, we are humans. We
have human bodies and they just suck sometimes. We have human minds and free
choice. We aren’t puppets and I think we turn so many people away from God when
we paint this picture of Him being an all-controlling power who has planned
everything good and bad that is going to happen to us forever. God is love and
letting go of the idea that He planned all of these terrible things has allowed
me to have peace.
I believe that God
sometimes heals hurt through medicine and technology. If someone you love were
to have a terrible disease would you say, “Well I guess this cancer is just
God’s plan for you. Sorry!” Of course not! You would encourage them to seek
treatment, follow the doctor’s recommendations and pray for healing. We see the
same thing in the Bible. We see Jesus help and heal humans time and time
again. There is no instance where Jesus meets someone who is suffering and
says, “Sorry man, I can’t help you. God’s plan was for you to suffer from this
forever.” We repeatedly see Jesus show compassion on human suffering and offer
healing. We are so grateful for the doors that God has opened through medicine
and technology. We know that no human life is without suffering, but we
are so grateful to know that our baby will never experience the fatal disease
of ALD.
-->
Thank you so much for
reading our story.
